“You can check out any time you’d like, but you can never leave.”… The Eagles

Faye Dunaway as Laura Mars

I was checking into my hotel at SES San Jose last year when I noticed in the lobby a prominent person in our industry…somebody who I’ve followed and read for quite some time. As he walked away from the check-in desk, I introduced myself to him and we briefly shook hands. Quickly, I determined that he was giving me a total “mobile hello” as it was quite clear that I was the only impediment between him and his evening beer / bud / bed. In my entire time in the search industry, this was the only time that I have been so thoroughly blown off by someone.

I do continue to read his writings and still assume that his behavior was a consequence of my catching him at a bad moment rather him being a bad guy. However, because I’ve seen so little of him in my social media sphere, there hasn’t been any subsequent interaction that could wipe away this bad experience from how I view him.

Our Ongoing Twelationships

One sign of a committed, comfortable long term relationship is when each party can comfortably be together for a long stretch of time without saying anything. The people that we follow and interact with most in our Twitter streams fit that definition to a T.

Twitter is very much like being at a 24/7 party. When you’re at the same place with the same people for a long period of time, you start to become quite comfortable in their presence. You get to know their opinions and quirks. You might communicate with them a little or a lot, but as you eavesdrop upon their thoughts and conversations, you get to know them quite intimately.

In a weird way, many times where I’ve met people that I’ve tweeted with for a long time, the meetings are somewhat anti-climatic. Much of the small talk that governs meeting someone new is dispensed with…after all, we’ve been through it all before online. It can be a little awkward at the beginning of the conversation because you don’t really know their point of reference for you and vice-versa. I’ve had people talk to me about a particular tweet I made as if I could immediately know what they are talking about. If I fail to pick up the cue, the conversation ceases to flow. Sometimes the phrase
“…like ships passing in the night…” applies to the quality of these interactions.

Yet, I’ve never felt bothered or concerned when I didn’t quickly jive (or even jive at all) when I met somebody for the first time that I’d been following and communicating with via social media. Because, after all, it’s not like we just met. We’re just continuing the ongoing conversation that we started earlier and the fact that we’re in each other’s presence is almost incidental. I don’t have to be “totally on” for these particular folks. Their first impressions of me were made in the online realm and even if my wit and twit make me come across as a bit of a git, I am more judged by my previous social media interactions with them than by our introductory meeting. And, once we both get back online, we can pick up the conversation from where it was left off.

I certainly feel accepted and appreciated by the core group of folks that I communicate with on Twitter. My wife sometimes tells me that my Twitter friends aren’t real friends and I strongly disagree (though I concede it’s a different type of friendship). In some ways, the relationships are more real because when the mode of communication are short, condensed thoughts, there is no room for the artifice and pretense that keeps people from really getting to know each other.

When you meet somebody offline for the first time, you get distracted by what they look like, what they sound like, what’s going on peripheral to the conversation, etc….all things that can get in the way of true interaction. When you meet somebody via Twitter, you get their naked thoughts and communications and they get yours. Once you've been naked with somebody, any future encounters "with clothes on" should be pretty comfortable.

Feel free to "party" with me on Twitter :.)

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6 brilliant comments

Meeting a person for the first time can be a stressful moment entirely by itself for some people. I've noticed some people I have met for the first time who I have had some contact with on social networks are strangely not as social in "real life".

While this person may not be like that, I would however, like you, give him the benefit of the doubt and forgive him for his cold shoulder. Thisperson probably had a whole lot of stuff going on and maybe just wasn't in the mood for an interruption. Although, I have been in many of the same type situations but have never failed to genuinely smile and ask forgiveness as I really did have to "go" and also made sure to reconnect later.

Richard  ^#

Interesting thouoghts on Twitter…could on some level agree, but what about those that have multiple Twitter/email/online accounts and persona for the different parts of their lives. Are you getting to know the person, or just a segment of them, that compartmentalized part of the whole?

Bud Hasherdashery  ^#

I'm not convinced that you do actually get to know peoples personalities on twitter.

Firstly, they are only showing you what they want you to see, and secondly, with the amount of people everyone follows, it's a bit like putting a firehose down your throat.

Affordable airline tickets  ^#

Well you know not everyone is that comfortable with strangers. Maybe he didn't mean to blow you off but it just kinda happened.

Odzyskiwanie Danych  ^#

You have to assume there are many people on Twitter that have to use a persona because their personality in person would not be that great, possibly even down right awful.

Nick Stamoulis  ^#

I certainly feel accepted and appreciated by the core group of folks that I communicated with on Twitter. My wife sometimes tells me that my Twitter friends aren’t real friends and I strongly disagree (though I concede it’s a different type of friendship). In some ways, the relationships are more real because when the mode of communication are short.

Medication Interactions  ^#