Along the lines of Jeff Foxworthy's humour, lets start off the week with a fun post ...
You may be a search spammer if ...
1) you know what a Markov Chain is
2) you use an image editor to write your emails
3) using the same free counter service for all the sites in your network brings down the free counter service
4) content is what you are, not what you publish
5) you think of him as "Matt Cutts Me Out"
6) you think of subtitles as alt keyword stuffing
7) "the visible web" is what you show Google
8 ) you realized knol and spam are both four letter words - coincidence? I think not...
9) for a moment you thought "nofollow" was Google's rip off of your technique
10) you dominate the top 10 SERPs for your chosen keywords, and still aren't happy!
Edit - More Additions from Comments:
11) you named your cat Sir Linkalot and your dog Spamster (Dev @ DailyMoolah)
12) you have ever sent money into Moscow via Western Union. (SlightlyShadySEO)
13) you can name off the file structures for over 5 types of messageboard. (SlightlyShadySEO)
14) you have so many subdomains, you can’t load that section of CPanel. (SlightlyShadySEO)
15) your business plan is just the Google TOS with the word “Don’t” deleted out. (SlightlyShadySEO)
16) you have more blogs than blogspot. (SlightlyShadySEO)
17) you wish that your cellphone could detect HTTP_USER_AGENT == female. (Dax)
18) you’re young enough that you grew up with video games yet still have a lot to say about Viagra. (Gab "SEO ROI" Goldenberg)
19) if the content you write, can't be interpreted by people (Sergey Rusak)
20) if you haven’t written content in 3 weeks. (SlightlyShadySEO)
21) if you have a firewall on your cellphone. (Charlie Anzman)
If you've got more, please submit them.