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You May Be a Search Spammer if …

Jeff Quipp | January 28th, 2008
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Along the lines of Jeff Foxworthy's humour, lets start off the week with a fun post ...

You may be a search spammer if ...

1) you know what a Markov Chain is

2) you use an image editor to write your emails

3) using the same free counter service for all the sites in your network brings down the free counter service

Link to Me Cartoon
Courtesy: Weblogcartoons.com

4) content is what you are, not what you publish

5) you think of him as "Matt Cutts Me Out"

6) you think of subtitles as alt keyword stuffing

7) "the visible web" is what you show Google

8 ) you realized knol and spam are both four letter words - coincidence? I think not...

9) for a moment you thought "nofollow" was Google's rip off of your technique

10) you dominate the top 10 SERPs for your chosen keywords, and still aren't happy!

Edit - More Additions from Comments:

11) you named your cat Sir Linkalot and your dog Spamster (Dev @ DailyMoolah)

12) you have ever sent money into Moscow via Western Union. (SlightlyShadySEO)

13) you can name off the file structures for over 5 types of messageboard. (SlightlyShadySEO)

14) you have so many subdomains, you can’t load that section of CPanel. (SlightlyShadySEO)

15) your business plan is just the Google TOS with the word “Don’t” deleted out. (SlightlyShadySEO)

16) you have more blogs than blogspot. (SlightlyShadySEO)

17) you wish that your cellphone could detect HTTP_USER_AGENT == female. (Dax)

18) you’re young enough that you grew up with video games yet still have a lot to say about Viagra. (Gab "SEO ROI" Goldenberg)

19) if the content you write, can't be interpreted by people (Sergey Rusak)

20) if you haven’t written content in 3 weeks. (SlightlyShadySEO)

21) if you have a firewall on your cellphone. (Charlie Anzman)

If you've got more, please submit them.

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Posted in SEO

13 thoughts on “You May Be a Search Spammer if …”

  1. Dev Basu says:
    January 28, 2008 at 11:46 am

    You named your cat Sir Linkalot and your dog Spamster lol

  2. SlightlyShadySEO says:
    January 28, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    You have ever sent money into Moscow via Western Union.

    You can name off the file structures for over 5 types of messageboard.

    You have so many subdomains, you can’t load that section of CPanel.

    Your business plan is just the Google TOS with the word “Don’t” deleted out.

    You have more blogs than blogspot.

  3. Zak Nicola says:
    January 28, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    You see things as links bait, not funny.

  4. Dax says:
    January 28, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    You wish that your cellphone could detect HTTP_USER_AGENT == female.

  5. Gab "SEO ROI" Goldenberg says:
    January 28, 2008 at 5:47 pm

    You’re young enough that you grew up with video games yet still have a lot to say about Viagra.

  6. Gab "SEO ROI" Goldenberg says:
    January 28, 2008 at 6:50 pm

    Wow Shady’s got some sweet ones there :D!

  7. Sergey Rusak says:
    January 28, 2008 at 7:14 pm

    … if you write content for search engines only.

  8. SlightlyShadySEO says:
    January 28, 2008 at 10:28 pm

    … if you haven’t written content in 3 weeks

  9. Charlie Anzman says:
    January 28, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    You have a firewall on your cellphone

  10. Jeff Quipp says:
    January 29, 2008 at 10:04 am

    @ Dev … good addition!

    @ Shady … you seem to know a little about this stuff Shady (LOL). Thanks for all the additions, those are fantastic.

    @ Zak … sometimes blogging isn’t just serious stuff, but a temporary escape from the day to day. It helps to create a community.

    @ Dax … trying to screen calls from your wife are we?

    @ Gab … good addition! Thx!

    @ Sergey … good one!

    @ Charlie … LOL!

  11. imBuntu says:
    January 30, 2008 at 2:56 am

    if you allow only google at your website and on one else.

    Regards
    imBuntu
    Directory Maximizer

  12. Quinton Figueroa says:
    January 31, 2008 at 1:39 am

    Great list and great additions SlightlyShadySEO. Guilty as charged.

  13. Chelle says:
    July 5, 2008 at 7:26 am

    That’s an amusing list – I don’t think I do any of them though, so that’s a good thing, right?

Comments are closed.

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