The First (un)Official Sphinn Awards – Day 1

Good morning all and welcome to the show. It is that time of year when the buzz is in the air, that familiar cry of 'meme' can be heard and the air is electric with excitement and anticipation. Outside the crowds gather, as do the industry celebrities. Just on my way in this morning, I believe I saw Larry and Sergei dressed to the nines (see below), and was able to snap a quick picture on my camera phone.

Picture of Larry Page and Sergei Brin in Suits
Image courtesy of ValleyWag

In the press area, I spotted numerous others too including Bill Gates, Danny Sullivan, Paris Hilton (apparently she's hosting the post celebrations??), Kevin Rose (still showing scars from the tift with Tamar), Garrett Camp (sneering at Tim Nash across the red carpet for exposing the StumbleUpon algorithm), Matt Cutts rode up along side Paul Tutul Sr on some West Coast Choppers (see pictures below ... am I the only one who thinks Matt looks more like Paul Sr. than Paul Jr. does???), and many many more. Its a very exciting time!

Matt Cutts Biker Paul Teutul Sr

In any case, my name is Jeff Quipp, and I'll be your host for the first segment of the (un)Official Sphinn Awards. David Harry is my co-host, and Dave will host the second segment of the Awards being blogcast tomorrow morning at 9:00 EST on the Trail of the Fire Horse

Event Sponsors - Google Green Bar:
Before we begin, I'd like to draw your attention to this morning's sponsors for without them this event would not be. The event is being sponsored by Google they're promoting their newest brand of environmentally friendly energy bar called 'green bar', and would like
everyone present to try one. We do recommend however, to eat it as soon as possible after receiving it. We have numerous reports that the size and weight of the bars are subject to mass fluctations even once in the hands of individuals, vanishing completely in some instances. Speculation suggests only those trying to purchase or sell the bars are affected.

Google Green Bar - Google Energy Bar
Original image courtesy of

As I stand here before you all, I see many familiar faces ooooh and recollections of some of the great times we've had on Sphinn over the past 6 months. Ah, for example there's Rebecca from SEOmoz sitting with Marty, ohhh and apparently begging for Sphinn Award votes from all the 'little people' sitting with them :). Hey, there's Shana too (Nanny612), and she appears to be getting poked from the seat behind her oooh its Tad. I'll bet the bugger snuck in for free!

There's Matt McGee too ... looks like he needs a break from search. Ooooh, and I see Vanessa Fox too (and fully clothed I might add) sitting with Rand Fiskin and apparently duking it out over the validity of SEOmoz quiz. There too is Lyndon, though he's difficult to see amongst the myriad of fans encircling him. I'd like to acknowledge each of you but hey ... I'm getting the red light already, which means time to move on. Too bad ... so many others I wanted to get to.

So, without further ado, lets get to the most coveted of award shows ... the Mardi Gras of the SEO industry, the Stanley Cup of social media ... the (un)Official Sphinn Awards.

To begin, let me start by saying, in every crowd there is that one patient soul, the one enigma who is always calm and cool, and never prone to whims of ego. They are unflappable and unstoppable, pushing ever-forward like so many Spam-bots on a virgin forum. For these fine folks that love so deeply, even when they are not loved back, we give you;

The Frustration and Futility Award " for perseverance when nothing seems to go hot (minimum 40 Submissions)

The award goes to. (drum rolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll)

. Gary Price with 161 News Submissions : 1 Gone Hot

Gary ... please accept this prestigeous award for all your efforts and hard work. I know there are 161 of us that are extremely appreciative ... you made us feel really good about our posts for a brief period of time.
Sphinn Awards - Frustration and Futility Award

With Honourable Mentions (let's show these folks some love people) to:

MelissaF " 56 Submits : 0 GH

SEOz87 " 55 : 0 GH

Rubab " 44 Submits : 0 GH

Sperry " 40 Submits : 0 GH

And that's not all. All of you fine folks are entitled to one a free copy of; How to Dominate Sphinn in 4 Easy Steps

(quick wardrobe change ... I come back out in a Jerry Seinfeld type "puffy shirt").

And now to present our next award

It's tough out there in the trenches, scraping clawing and digging;
it's a damn good thing we are in here in the office then isn't it? And
when we're in our offices, nothing brings glee to the face of a
digital socialite quick like a Sphinn 'Going Hot'. For that story to
get there though it needs help 21 people to be precise. In honour of
all of those finger clicking Sphinn-a-holics, I give you the.

Spread the Love Award - Most Sphinns Cast to date -

And the award goes to (imaginary drum rolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll)

Bill Hartzer " with 2834 Sphinns Cast!

Bill ... please accept this award as a token of all your hard work and dedication.

Honourable Mentions;

Manish Pandey " 2141 Spinns Cast

DoshDosh " 2052 Spinns Cast

AimClear " 1501 Spinns Cast

Sebastian " 1403 Spinns Cast

Then, beginning as a whisper and escalating to almost deafening sound, we hear "speech, speech, speech". Bill finally acknowledges after 2-3 minutes.

Bill's Speech:
Thank you all! Its certainly an honor to win this first ever "Spread the Love Award". I look at it like this; "While Google may have pigeonrank, here in Texas we have to just tell our prairie dogs to surrender to the sphinn gods and hope for good sphinning all around."

Thank you Bill ... that was inspiring! I'm confused, but mysteriously inspired.

(rush backstage to change my wardrobe again ... this time emerging in a full tuxedo with long tails, but with a white t-shirt and sport socks beneath so as not to "sell out")

Now, I ask you, what is a Social Media site without its darlings? It
would be a big empty space, a vacuum devoid of human interaction much
like a link seller's convention at Matt Cutts house. For all of those
that keep the spirit of the people alive we are proud to award the;

Fast Fingers Award - for Most Comments All-time;

(Danny is not eligible " sorry Charlie)

The award goes to (prolonged drum rolllllllll)

g1smd with an astounding total of 563 comments made.

Ian ... on behalf of all of us, thank you for your insightful comments. We hope that as a token of our appreciation, you'll accept this award.

Honourable Mentions;

Planetc1 " 343 comments made.

Sebastian " 333 comments made.

TimDineen - 309 comments made.

Qwerty " 286 comments made.

Well there you have it for Part I of the un-Official Spinn Awards. Be sure to tune in tomorrow morning at Huomah FOR PART II at 9am EST to catch the conclusion and see who the winners will be for these exciting awards;

The Social Seduction Award

The Tireless Reporter Award

The Bullseye Award

The Sphinner's Choice Award

We encourage all of this morning's winners to promptly post Acceptance speeches on their Blogs, or to email them to me if inappropriate there, and we will post it here on our Blogs.

We'd like to thank you for not participating in the voting, as it was all just some fun we were having. After all, how can it be a community if there are no community parties to bolster community spirit. The ballots for the 'Sphinners' were administered by the firm Itwasnt Noboby and DidntDoit. The process for the 'Spinners' was completely unscientific and devised through rigorpus sessions of caffeine and sleep deprivation. No animals were hurt during the production of the 'Spinners', although Dave's Boa seemed to be eyeing his 'mouse' for a period there.. either way both are safe now. We hope you have enjoyed this morning's festivities and hope you will join us next time. That is, if there is a next time.

Thank you all!

I am pleased to announce that this post has placed as a "Runner Up" for the prestigious 'Rubber Chicken Award.

I am equally pleased to announce that this post has been nominated for the 'LOL' category of the SEMMYs (Award show honouring the Best Search Marketing Content Online in 2007) .

Rubber Chicken Award

2008 SEMMY Nominee

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