Bad. Screenshot by j l t

People love to write about writing the perfect blog post. The world is full of blog experts ready to teach you about taking your blog to the next level. I am beginning to lose my interest. That is why I have set out to teach you how to write the worlds worst blog post.

Follow these 5 steps for writing a beautifully horrendous blog post:

1. Anchor Text, Anchor Text, Anchor Text

Consider adding as much keyword rich anchor text to your blog posts as possible. You probably want to ask me: what if my sentence does not make sense after adding so much keyword rich anchor text? Well that question does not make sense to me! Writing your blog is about making cents not sense. You need to be focused on rankings, rankings are everything.

Do Not Listen to Daniel Kosir - 7 Reasons Why Search Engine Rankings Arent Everything

2. Biccup: Bold, Italicize, Colour, Capitalize, Underline, Punc.tu.ate!!!

Blogging 101: make your points known.

Good bloggers use the techniques listed above periodically to highlight key points so that readers are able to skim a post.

Ask yourself, do I want to be a good blogger or a great blogger? The key to becoming a great blogger is to BICCUP! your points.

That's right; you should do all of the above for key points. YOUR READERS WILL NEVER MISS A VALUABLE POINT AGAIN!

3. Spellings And The Grammers Are For Fools

Many will say that effective blogging is about both quality and quantity. I say, you can't have your cake and eat it too. In our case posts are cakes and eating a cake is editing a post.

So ask yourself: do you want lots of cakes, or do you want to edit posts? That question is rhetorical of course. You want more cakes!

Please Ignore Kari Pritchard's Elevate Your Content by Eliminating the Common Mistakes

4. Include As Many Topics As Possible

Your blog is the perfect place to show readers how smart you are. The best way to do that is by including as many topics as possible in every post. I recommend 3 different topics per post as a minimum guideline. Your readers will be blown away by how knowledgeable you are. Once they know how smart you are they will be forced to buy your products.

5. Great Posts Should Take A Long Time To Write

First you have to come up with a new topic. Then you need to sit down and start writing, then erasing, then writing, then erasing, then write again. Remember you should never move from one line to the next until it is perfect. Of course by perfect I mean full of valuable keywords designed to impact rankings (spelling and grammar is still irrelevant). It goes without saying that a good post should take all day to write.

Pay no Attention to Victoria Hoffman's How To Write a Blog Post in 1 Hour


There you have it. Five tips for writing a truly terrible blog post. Have you come across any other terrible blogging techniques? If so I would love to hear your comments.