How to Write the World’s Worst Blog Post

bad
Bad. Screenshot by j l t

People love to write about writing the perfect blog post. The world is full of blog experts ready to teach you about taking your blog to the next level. I am beginning to lose my interest. That is why I have set out to teach you how to write the worlds worst blog post.

Follow these 5 steps for writing a beautifully horrendous blog post:

1. Anchor Text, Anchor Text, Anchor Text

Consider adding as much keyword rich anchor text to your blog posts as possible. You probably want to ask me: what if my sentence does not make sense after adding so much keyword rich anchor text? Well that question does not make sense to me! Writing your blog is about making cents not sense. You need to be focused on rankings, rankings are everything.

Do Not Listen to Daniel Kosir - 7 Reasons Why Search Engine Rankings Arent Everything

2. Biccup: Bold, Italicize, Colour, Capitalize, Underline, Punc.tu.ate!!!

Blogging 101: make your points known.

Good bloggers use the techniques listed above periodically to highlight key points so that readers are able to skim a post.

Ask yourself, do I want to be a good blogger or a great blogger? The key to becoming a great blogger is to BICCUP! your points.

That's right; you should do all of the above for key points. YOUR READERS WILL NEVER MISS A VALUABLE POINT AGAIN!

3. Spellings And The Grammers Are For Fools

Many will say that effective blogging is about both quality and quantity. I say, you can't have your cake and eat it too. In our case posts are cakes and eating a cake is editing a post.

So ask yourself: do you want lots of cakes, or do you want to edit posts? That question is rhetorical of course. You want more cakes!

Please Ignore Kari Pritchard's Elevate Your Content by Eliminating the Common Mistakes

4. Include As Many Topics As Possible

Your blog is the perfect place to show readers how smart you are. The best way to do that is by including as many topics as possible in every post. I recommend 3 different topics per post as a minimum guideline. Your readers will be blown away by how knowledgeable you are. Once they know how smart you are they will be forced to buy your products.

5. Great Posts Should Take A Long Time To Write

First you have to come up with a new topic. Then you need to sit down and start writing, then erasing, then writing, then erasing, then write again. Remember you should never move from one line to the next until it is perfect. Of course by perfect I mean full of valuable keywords designed to impact rankings (spelling and grammar is still irrelevant). It goes without saying that a good post should take all day to write.

Pay no Attention to Victoria Hoffman's How To Write a Blog Post in 1 Hour

Conclusion

There you have it. Five tips for writing a truly terrible blog post. Have you come across any other terrible blogging techniques? If so I would love to hear your comments.

About the Author: Andrew Marsh

Andrew is an Account Manager with Search Engine People. He is passionate about digital marketing and traditional marketing (but to a lesser extent of course).

Additional Posts

#TBT: Why Google Won the Search Engine War

Learn From The Relation Between Mass Psychology and Content Marketing

Google’s New Manual Penalty Targets Rich Snippet Spam

In compliance with Ontario’s non-essential business closure our physical offices are closed until further notice. Fortunately our willingness to adopt work from home and the required technology over the past two years has allowed us to continue our operations without impact. For our valued clients and partners you can expect the same great level of service and execution you have become accustomed to.

Many clients/prospects have reached out to us in an effort to introduce new campaigns as quickly as possible. In an effort to help our clients pivot we have increased our campaign build capacity. We are now able to turn new campaigns over in 2-3 business days opposed to the typical 5-7 business day turnaround time. Please note that campaign launch approvals from the vendor side (Google, Bing, Facebook, Instagram etc.) may be delayed as those companies migrate to work from home.

For existing clients please reach out to your account manager with any questions you may have.

For non-clients looking for assistance with new campaigns please Contact Us

Read previous post:
#TBT: Why Google Won the Search Engine War

...Read More...

Close