I was trying to explain spam to my wife, and she said:

WIFE: Oh, like the Yellow Pages!

ME: What?? How is that like the Yellow Pages?

WIFE: Well, they drop those huge books on your doorstep, whether you want 'em or not--

ME: Ah, you're right. I have to throw it away, it's paper waste, bad for the planet, and they make money on those books. That is kinda like spam. Good point. Hmm...

WIFE (smiles at her cleverness)


Hereth Beginneth The Top 11 Spammers In History...

The Yellow Pages

Yes, I'm finally tall enough not to have to sit on the Yellow Pages anymore, so I have to throw them away when they arrive. They're bad for mother earth, trees are sad, and worst of all, it makes them money with ads that probably don't work. (No, they don't work- have you tracked them with a unique URL? Ok, then.)

So if you want to throw them away but you feel bad because of the paper waste, you end up keeping it- that's Eco-Blackmail! Dastardly.

[Photo credit: Helio d'or]



As comedian Mitch Hedberg said... it's like they're saying, "here can you throw this away for me?" NO THANKS!

[Photo Credit: Kenny Maths]


The Car Flyer People

I object. I turn on my windshield wipers, litter the parking lot, and blame the flyer spammers. Their name is on the flyers, so whoever finds them gets to see where the waste came from.

[Photo credit: E Bartholomew]



[they don't deserve a photo]

Everyone knows Nazis are bad, and spamming is bad- I'm not sure what they spammed, but they must have spammed something. Aryanism, for example.



You know exactly what they're spamming us with. (It was actually pretty difficult to find a Hooters photo that wasn't depressing or gross.)

[Photo credit: SQL Samson]



Though I sometimes find comfort in that Gideon's Bible you can find in almost every hotel room... they're still hotel-bedside-table-drawer spammers, aren't they?

[Photo credit: Sidewalk Flying]


SEO Spammers

They spam blogs, forums, each other... they even spam their own mothers. How many links are enough, you linkaholics?

[Photo credit: RomulusNR]


Email Spammers

These guys are criminals, because there are actual laws against this, and some of them have gone to jail, which makes them really stupid spammers.

[Photo credit: genvessel]


Mother Nature

You can't tell me that excessive rain isn't spam. Mother Nature is a big spammer, busy nourishing all those trees the Yellow Pages people will kill.

San Diego is the only virtually nature-spam-free area I know of, since it only rains 11 days a year there... unless you count fires as spam too.

[Photo credit: WoodleyWonderWorks]


Commercial TV

We're so used to these stupid commercials that come on while we're trying to watch something on TV that we don't think about it. But it's really spam, isn't it? I know HBO is commercial free, but do I get a choice to pay for a commercial-free version of House or NBA basketball?

Nope. Commercials are spam, and the DVR/Tivo a spam-management tool.

[Photo credit: Lorri37]